Thursday, March 4, 2010
What has changed? What is different? What is wrong?
Over the past few days I've done a LOT of thinking. I'm starting to think I have real issues with food. In the past 5ish years I've struggled a little with my weight, not a lot, but a little. My heaviest weight, not pregnant, was 155 pounds. I had two kids between 18 - 22 years old and both times I was able to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight of around 115 pounds. After I had lost the baby weight from #2 and before I got pregnant with #3, I found my weight creeping up. I'm guessing I weighed about 125-130 at that time. Which, when I weighed 115 and then going up to 125-130 I could tell I had gained weight (that is 15 pounds). I was blaming it on age/metabolism changes etc. At that time, 2003, I did Weight Watchers online and lost a bit of weight and then got pregnant with baby #3 in 2004. After about two months post-partum, I decided to start tracking points and doing the WW thing again. My starting weight on 01/18/2005 was 140 at home! I tracked myself, didn't go to the meetings and by 06/09/2005 my weight was down to 126! I "think" that I could/was maintaining that loss until I got pregnant AGAIN! Fast forward a bit, baby #4 came in October 2006! I'm not sure why I didn't do WW again right away, but I didn't. I decided to go to the meetings on 01/08/2008 and my starting weight was 144.2 at the weigh-in. I tracked (half ass) and was pay $12 a week through 04/15/2008 and my weight was 139.8 that last night I weighed in. That's right! I paid $12 a week and went to 14 meetings and lost a total of 4.4 pounds! That was $168 folks! For a measly 4.4 pounds. Fast forward again, no more babies and now we are January 2009! I needed to do something! The weight wasn't coming off slowly, in fact it was coming on slowly! I joined WW AGAIN and on 01/27/2009 my starting weight was 152.6 at weigh-in. A year later on 01/26/2010, I made Lifetime with WW and was at, 127.6 my ultimate goal! Fast forward a tiny bit, 03/04/2010. I am struggling! I do not want to track my points, I do not want to make healthy choices, which is probably why I ate a whole bag of chex mix yesterday and not 1, but TWO servings of ice cream! I'm not sure why I feel the need to sit down and eat and eat. I look back over the years and realize that before I realized I had weight issues I NEVER had the desire/need to sit down and eat an entire bag of cheesy chex mix and then 2 servings of ice cream! What has changed? What is different? What is wrong?
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3 comments:
Wowsers! You've been on quite the roller-coaster over the past couple years haven't you. I feel for you, because I've roller-coastered myself! In the last ten years...I've lost and gained back the same damn 70lbs 3 times! This is my 4th time, and I swear...never again. It's nice that you've seen success with WW! That doesn't work for me! I HATE TRACKING!!! I don't believe in analysing every bite that goes into my mouth (not trying to knock WW...but it doesn't work for everyone)! I think you want to binge because you've been so focused on the food for so long, and now you feel deprived! Might I make a suggestion? Read the book "The Gabriel Method". That's what has made all the difference for me! I"ve stopped focussing on food, and really dealt with the "issues" that have been there all along! You may find it very helpful too. Just a suggestion!
Please don't give up on yourself! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! Health does = happiness!
Have to agree with Pitbull. I did the weight watchers thing, and I lost a great amount of weight on it. only to put it back on. And now 4 years later I have more weight to lose then the first time around. I think that weight watchers helps a ton of people, but it is a lot of work to constantly counting...and no matter how good you think you have become at eyeing things...you really have to count points for life. Or you will end up back up. That is my belief. That is why a couple of years ago I opted for clean eating. You can eat so many things and not worry for a second about counting it. But you do have to choose to give up somethings that may be your favorites, and you give up a lot of convenience in food. But I will vouch for in the beginning it is hard to give up things...but I promise over time you don't even miss it. And you begin to actually crave better things. Your body and mind adjust. I too have looked at the Gabriel Method and it is fantastic...and so true that you have to have the right mental state to succeed in weight loss.
Keep working forward. You're looking great and doing AWESOME!
I commented this on someone elses blog... we're all working to overcome mentally what we have done physically. every "AH HA" moment will get you closer to your ulatimate goal of life long health! i hope that you can find the answers you are looking for and if not that you can let it go. Dwelling on unanswered questions is enough to make you go crazy and will only make you frustrated. good luck overcoming all of the mental madness.
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